I tend to equate my writing deadlines with various forms of the undead. I know zombies are out of vogue these days but I think it makes sense, even aside from the obvious naming similarity. By way of example, a normal deadline is like a regular ol’ zombie: An object of dread, steadily and inexorably threatening to tear you asunder should you allow it to get too close. On their own they’re not that threatening, but in a group? Terrifying.

Last-minute or short deadlines are similar to the modern fast zombie, a-la 28 Days Later or Left 4 Dead. Same description as the above, but moving at an incredible pace, a more immediate horror. Attempting to complete a writing task under a Fast Zombie Deadline is best described as an incessant scream, undercut with the sound of a keyboard being worked furiously, as though typing is all that is holding the assailant at bay. On an unrelated note, The Typing of the Dead was awesome.

Assignments without a defined deadline are like ghosts. Ghostly deadlines are invisible and easy to forget about, right up until the point that they float up through the floor, shout “BOO” and possess you until you’ve completed their unfinished business.

All deadlines are like vampires in that if you’re not careful they’ll suck your blood, leaving you an empty husk.

3 Replies to “Shuddersome”

  1. I’m glad to hear someone else thinks like me (and who has probably seen too many zombie, vampire and ghost movies).  I apply it to child rearing though.  When they start walking and climbing its fast-zombies, when they get old enough to be quiet whilst playing with ink in another room its monster-thriller.  When there’s plural whingey children with colds its slow zombies, but in a mob chase.

  2.  and when they get smart enough to open gates and walk down to the street intelligent-monsters (like the raptors in Jurassic Park).  Only two of these things have happened at my place today.

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